Are Your Needs Being Met to Thrive?

February is the month of love, and though it is often seen as romantic love towards another person. I want to ask you, how do you practice self-love? Self-love isn't narcissistic, it's about taking care of yourself and your needs. Are you getting your needs met to thrive? I’m not just talking about your basic needs (shelter, food, water, clothes, sleep) - though it does include these.

I’m talking about your needs to make you feel alive, and to support a healthy body and mind. Are you getting your movement in? How about connection, creativity, or fun? Are you getting these met? Because if you’re not, then there’s a chance that you are moving day-to-day in a daze, not present, and looking forward to sleep. This is not really living. You are not experiencing life, you are existing - which isn’t bad at all, especially when you’re going through a hard time, and this is the most you can do. However, I want to help support you with this month is thriving, and experiencing life to the fullest. So how do we do that?

Reflect on your needs - what do you need to be a vibrant human being? This can be different for everyone, but it will involve, sleep, nutrition, stress management, and movement (because those are your foundations of health). On top of these, you have other needs: the need to feel loved and appreciated, the need to connect with people you enjoy, the need for alone time, etc. What are they for you? For me, I need to be creative every day, and I need to be with people I love and enjoy.

How often do you need them? - once you find what your needs are, how often do you have to have them fulfilled? Your foundation will need to be met daily, while your other needs to thrive will be different. Do you need to be with your friends one or two times a week, a month, etc? How often and for how long do you need to be active? Are you pushing your body daily (eg. HITT, Barr, Flow yoga, etc (all of these are very yang)) or are you mixing it up and doing LITT, yin/restorative yoga, etc every other day? Once you’ve decided how often you need them, put them into your calendar and follow through with them.

Reframe - sometimes on our journeys to becoming better, we get in our heads and negative self-talk occurs. During these times, work on reframing the way you are talking to yourself. It first takes recognition to realize how you are talking to yourself, and noticing the negative thoughts that come up. Next is reframing it with something more positive. For example, I can’t do anything right. Reframe this to I’m learning how to do this better. Or something that resonates with you. The point is you are talking to yourself differently, This is important because the way you talk to yourself, and your thoughts create physiological responses in your body, causing certain hormones and neurotransmitters to be released. You can influence this by changing the way you think. With time, this will change how you behave and how you perceive your world.

Be patient yourself, we are all human experiencing with it is like to live as one. You may stumble and fall on this journey, and that’s ok. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep walking. Reframe your thoughts, and do your best to get your needs met so you can be the radiant human you are meant to be.

~Dr. Charmagne

Self Love

We’ve all heard about self-love. Some people say self-care instead, however, they essentially mean the same thing. If you practice self-love, self-care comes more naturally because you understand that you need it, and you respect and love yourself enough to practice self-care. What do you do for yourself to take care of yourself and lift yourself up? There has been some misconception that self-love looks like having a bubble bath, having a night out with the girls, or drinking some wine at the end of the day. Though these can be parts of self-love, ultimately, it’s doing something you know will help you feel better. This can include sleeping earlier, to make sure you're getting the amount of sleep you need. It can also be enjoying your favourite hobby, whatever that may be, going to the gym, or eating healthy. Everyone should be practicing a bit of self-love every day. We practice taking care of people around us, whether you have children or not, so take the time you need to care for yourself as well. Some of my favourite things to recommend to patients are below.

Do something new at least once a week

Some people, especially when they become parents, lose a sense of who they are. They don’t know what they like, they don’t have any hobbies. Their lives revolve around their family and work - and nothing outside of it. There is nothing wrong with that if you are happy with it. However, if it saddens you that you feel like you have lost who you are, then this is a great way to start to discover things about yourself again. Do you like soccer? You never know until you try. Scared of massages? The worse thing you can do is leave and never come back - however, what if you find out that you actually enjoyed it? Then you got over fear, and found something that you enjoy!

Practice positive self talk

The main thing is to practice talking to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend or loved one. The way we talk to them is often encouraging, sympathetic, and with love - which can be the opposite of how we talk to ourselves.

To read more about how to practice positive self-talk, click here.

Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Some of us know where they are, and others don’t. Knowing where your boundaries are, and staying true to them is a wonderful way to practice self-care. It’s also a practice of self-love because you are standing up for yourself. Are you an introvert, who has been invited to dinner? It’s okay to say no, especially if you need your lone time to recharge. That friend should be fine with meeting up another day, especially it wasn’t for an emergency. This includes saying yes to everything. At some point, people realize that they’re saying yes to too many things, and it’s all piling up on them and wearing them down. Saying no is okay, someone will step up to fill in the gap. It’s impossible to keep giving from an empty cup. You have to take care and give to yourself so that you can give to others.

With all things that come to self, don’t be hard on yourself. Change can be difficult, and building up new habits takes a while. Remember you are human, living and experiencing life. Sometimes, what you are planning doesn’t happen, and you falter. That’s okay. Pick yourself up, and do it again. With enough practice, and awareness, you can notice these things faster, and then you can actively choose if a certain thought is worth fixating on or not (meditation is a great way to practice that).

~ Dr. Charmagne

Self Talk

There has been quite a few people on social media talking about self talk - and this is great! We all talk to ourselves every day, and the way we talk to ourselves can really affect how we feel and behave every day. As much as I don’t like certain commercial products, I can’t deny that some companies are extremely good at making ads that get you to think or feel a certain way. Dove is a great example of this. They posted a video a few years back about negative self talk (take a look over here). The question generally is: You would never talk to another human the way you talk to yourself, so why do you talk to yourself like this?

We are often our worse critic, often expecting so much of ourselves - perfection. The beautiful thing is, we are all human, and perfect isn’t something we are meant to be. Yes, we are meant to push ourselves, and grow into better people, but that doesn’t mean you should tear yourself down on the way there. It can be a rough journey to where you are working towards, and you do not need to be your worst enemy on the way there. The best thing to do is to start practicing positive self talk - because just as you can be your worst enemy, you can also be your greatest ally.

Some ways to improve positive self talk is to become aware of your negative self talk, and work on talking to yourself like you would to your best friend. There may be times that your negative self talk will win, but it takes small incremental steps to improve your self talk. As long as you work on your self talk, day by day it will improve, and eventually, you will truly love yourself, and have a stronger relationship and respect for yourself. You will discover a more empowered and confident you, and when you bring this on your journey, things start to change.

~ Dr. Charmagne

Taking Care of Your Mental Health

I am happiest when I connect with people. When I feel that connection, it feels like I've become closer to the people I talk with - even if we've been friends for 10+ years. You can get this feeling by talking to people online, but it's not the same as being with those people in person. The experience is always richer, and more memorable. Your heart soars.

However, it is hard to connect with people when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you may not even know why. You might feel exhausted, that there's no point in going out, that you would just bring everyone else's mood down. But it isn't about any of that. It is about your mental well-being, and what you need to do to help pick yourself up so that you can enjoy and live your life to the fullest. It is said that life is a present, and it can most definitely be.

Positive Self Coaching

Everyone talks to themselves in one way or the other, we all have that voice in our heads that speaks a certain way. For most of us, that voice puts us down. It tells you that you're not good enough, that you suck, that you aren't worth it, the list goes on. It knows your weak spots and will exploit them. For many, this is the only voice they hear. But it is not your voice, it is not you. Change the way you speak to yourself. Be kind to yourself - like you would to your best friend. It is difficult changing that voice to one of love, when it has been so negative for so long. But it can be done. I know it sounds cheesy, but calling yourself "love" can be one way to start the change. In addition to bringing more love to yourself by calling yourself love, you remind yourself that you should practice self-love. 

Support Groups

It is important for you to know that you are not alone - you don't ever have to be alone. There are people experiencing similar things, and when these people come together and support each other, something magical happens. Along with finding a group of people that can support you, new friendships can be made, along with a sense of purpose. This group can be whoever you want it to be. For me it's my friends and family, for others it is a group going through similar difficulties such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, alcoholism, etc. The following link to support groups found in Calgary:

• Elements - Calgary Mental Health Centre

• MeetUp

• OBAD

• Support Works

Gratitude Journaling

Many people say that gratefulness is the key to happiness (Huffington Post). Gratitude journaling is an amazing exercise to practice daily, and helps to gently change your attitude to one of gratitude. It allows you to see a different perspective, be more empathetic, create a deeper understanding of yourself, and keep things in perspective. Having this journal can also be useful when your mood is lower as a way to remind you of all the things in your life that brings you happiness. 

Going Outside

There are so many beautiful things to behold outside, whether it's a tender interaction between two people, seeing someone helping another, the fluffy clouds passing by, feeling the wind caress your face, or the beautiful changing colours of the leaves. There are things you can enjoy. Do the things you've always wanted to try. There's no pressure trying to placate another person, and you can do everything at your leisure, there are no time constraints to see another place unless you want to. After a few times, this is very liberating, this kind of independence is beautiful and something to savor. 

Finding Your Purpose

This one is really important. Finding your purpose will give you the energy to get out of bed on the days you really don't want to. It gives you that extra push because there is something you are trying to achieve. Generally, the purpose isn't material-based. It is something bigger than yourself that you can dedicate your life to. For some, it's providing for their family, for others is taking care of their beloved pet, and yet, for others, it's helping or supporting someone get through something going on in their lives. Finding your purpose can be difficult, so one way to start finding your own purpose is by learning more and discovering who you are. Your purpose can be whatever you want it to be, and it makes you feel like there's a reason you are here.

Remember, it is completely normal for you not to be happy every single moment of your life. It is okay to feel "blah," it's ok for you to feel down, content, etc. These emotions are not bad and are often needed in life. Life ebbs and flows, and your mood will change accordingly. Social media has made it easier for people to show the best parts of their lives, the parts they feel alive - but behind the scenes, their moods can quite often, be the opposite of what they are displaying. 

With lots of Love,

~Dr. Charmagne